The Golden Enema Prizes of Disgrace: eight prizes were awarded last week at the ceremony in St. Petersburg. The Golden Enema is an annual Prize established in 2012 by the social organization “Straight Alliance for LGBT Equality”.
Last week, 18 December 2013, the St. Petersburg Press Club “Zelyonaya Lampa” [The Green Lamp] was the venue for this year’s Golden Enema Prize of Disgrace Ceremony. The winners are: Ms. Yelena Isinbayeva (athlete), Mr. Ivan Okhlobystin (actor), Mr. Vladimir Gundyaev (spiritual name: Patriarch Kirill), Mr. Aleksei Zhuravlyov (Deputy of the Lower House of the Russian Parliament), Mr. Arkadii Mamontov (journalist), the Russian Foreign Ministry, and the Committee of the Government of St. Petersburg for Public Order and Security. The “Grand Prix” was awarded to President Vladimir Putin.The Golden Enema is awarded to politicians and officials, athletes and journalists, and people working in culture and religion, for services to homophobia through their recent public pronouncements. This is the second year of this prize of disgrace and this week it was presented to a prize-winner in each of seven categories, plus one Grand Prix.On Wednesday 18 December, Natalia Tsymbalova and Daniel Grachev, representing the “Straight Alliance for LGBT Equality” announced the winners. They were assisted by a team of volunteers playing a part of “aidmen”, including St. Petersburg civil rights activists Vladimir Volokhonsky and Kirill Kalugin. The winners were presented in absentia with their prizes – a golden enema and scrolls of dishonour mentioning their dubious achievements. Both items will later be forwarded to each of them by post.
In the “Olympic Village” category the winner was the pole vaulter Ms. Yelena Isinbayeva for a spectacular leaping to wrong conclusion. This sportswoman very clumsily supported the Russian law on “gay propaganda” and claimed that “homosexuality is alien to the Russians”, comments which ignited a storm of protest from the world of sport. Competing against Ms. Isinbayeva in the sports category were Mr. Nikolay Valuyev (boxer) and Mr. Vitaly Dyakov (footballer).
Mr. Aleksei Zhuravlyov, a Deputy in the State Duma [Lower House of the Russian Parliament] was nominated in the category “Mom’s Little Deputy”, also known as the “Ward No. 6” for “homophobic kidnapping”, namely his proposal to deprive homosexuals of parental rights. He overtook his rivals Deputy Mr. Mikhail Degtyaryov and Speaker Mr. Sergei Naryshkin.
In the category “Goebbels School of Journalism” the nominees included Mr. Maksim Shevchenko (a journalist and member of the President’s Public Consultation Chamber), and Mr. Aleksei Pushkov (Deputy, and former TV host). However they were defeated by Mr. Arkady Mamontov (host of “Special Correspondent” on the TV channel “Rossiya”) for “Caveman Mentality” evidenced by his accusation that gays caused the Chelyabinsk meteorite.
In the category “Profession: homophobe” competitors included representatives of central government: Mr. Vladimir Medinsky, Minister of Culture, who announced that the composer Tschaikovsky was heterosexual, as well as the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and Mr. Valery Zorkin (chairman of the Russian Constitutional Court). The winner was theRussian Foreign Ministry with the citation: “Shame Without Borders.”
In the culture category “Regime’s co-Creators”, the nominees were Mr. Nikita Mikhalkov (motion-picture director), Mr. Mikhail Veller (writer), and Mr. Ivan Okhlobystin (actor and former Russian Orthodox priest). The Golden Enema Prize was awarded to Mr. Okhlobystin “for serving the spirit of Nazism in the guise of spirituality” evidenced by his readiness to personally burn gays in ovens, a sentiment he expressed a week ago in Novosibirsk at one of his spiritual shows.
In the category “Pop(e)-business” nominations included three representatives of the Russian Orthodox Church: Mr. Andrei Kuraev, Mr. Gregory Alfeyev (spiritual name: Ilarion), and Mr. Vladimir Gundyaev (spiritual name: Patriarch Kirill), all of whom have in the past year repeatedly issued homophobic statements. Mr. Gundyaev excelled by declaring that gay marriage is a “symptom of the apocalypse” and thereby won the Golden Enema for “apocalyptic hysteria.”
The nomination “Hysteria in the City” was devised specifically for St. Petersburg, as our city has pioneered homophobic policies and thereby won universal notoriety as the “world capital of obscurantism”. St. Petersburg luminaries nominated for this particular Golden Enema category included: Mr. Anatoly Krivenchenko (Deputy in the City Legislature) for adding “the sin of sodomy” to the Ten Commandments; Mr. Vasily Kichedzhi (Deputy Governor, Culture). The prize of disgrace in this category was awarded to Mr. Leonid Bogdanov (head of the Committee of the Government of St. Petersburg for Public Order and Security) for “lawlessness in the Law”. Our activists have particular feelings for this body which does everything it can to prevent public demonstrations by the St. Petersburg LGBT citizens.
Finally, the Grand Prix, the “Tsar Enema”. Our activists resolved to award this to Mr. Vladimir Putin (President of the Russian Federation). There were no other competitors in this category because the organisers agreed emphatically that it is his “most high protection” that has led to the rampant homophobia and to the recently adopted discriminatory laws tending towards fascism. Our head of state received his award “for an attempt to forge, in Russia, a spiritual link between the Third Reich and the Middle Ages.”